Lower Your Standards

"You've got your hands full."

I hear this phrase often. Often, often. A lot. Daily +.

Or almost as often, "I don't know how you do it."

I don't either, TBH. It's a never-ending circus ride, I can't see the ring master (Is it me? It's me, isn't it) and I don't know if we're all tall enough to ride the ride or if we're buckled in or who's going to puke when we're done.

But we'll probably have some fun.

Most people look back at this busy time of child rearing and realize that they did it too, although they have no idea how. It's just something you do. You rise to the occasion. You have to. What's the alternative.

I have a couple of guesses, though, as to how I manage to not completely face plant or huddle in a corner crying every day (although some days are less successful than others by comparison) by counter shifting a tenuous weight of productivity and self-preservation.

The first?

God. All day, every day.

The very providence of his Grace and rescue and protection in our lives is just so evident. When I find myself doubting or worrying or not letting go, things start slipping. But when I let go, very literally hand it up, and say, "Okay God, I can't. I don't know. How do we do this? Where do we go from here? What's the plan?" All of these things fall into place.

And when you look for those moments, and recognize those Graces, you become more attuned to them. You also start appreciating the value of what's important and what's not. Which leads me to my next "secret to success"...

Lower your standards.

For real.

Now, I don't mean go ahead and throw maintaining (and instilling) ethics and values and accountability and responsibility and excellence and the like out the window. Of course those are important.

I mean, let shit go. Pick your priorities (and I mean really be judicious when you're deciding this).

In the whole scheme of what's important and who you want to be and the life you want to lead and the values you want your kids to glean from it...what's important?

If you bring store bought cookies to a pot luck or can't volunteer to be classroom mom (No, I've got enough of my own, thanks) or have to decline the PTA/O Board nomination (no one's nominating me for this, it's just an example).

It's okay. Really.

And if for your situation, those things DO matter or those are the things that are important, that's fine, too, but find your things that you can let go, and kick 'em to the curb.

We live in a new live-streamed real-time access society where we feel like we're under a constant microscope to do all and be all. Judged, judged, judged.

And we probably are, to some extent at least. People are going to look at you. They're going to have opinions. Some of them not nice or helpful.

But who cares.

Let that shit go.

I get it. That's easy to say and not so easy to do. It requires a lot of changing of old habits and pre-conceived thoughts and actions that have been built up for years or decades, even.

But "having your hands full" sort of forces you to let it go and it's been somewhat freeing and really, rewarding. Still stressful in other ways, but that's just life, I think.

I can't worry about toys or messes being constantly picked up or if our house is immaculate or pristine (it most definitely is not nor ever has been) for visitors. There is in the very literal sense NO time for that.

My poor cleaning lady, you guys. Yes, I have a cleaning lady. Not for status or privilege or fluff or even convenience, or anything like that. It's for literal SURVIVAL.

The things that lady has seen. There was a time I might have cared what my house looked like when she came, or I might have "cleaned" for the cleaning lady but that time is not now. I can't. Blessedly, she is not the type of person who gives a flying what's it about if there is cereal mess on my table and counter (news flash, kids eat cereal--and messily) or what the slime is all over my couch or why there are purple flecks all over my bathroom sink or what's buried/stored under my recliner or why there is a(nother) (new) hole in my wall. Confused, likely, amused, maybe, but really doesn't care.

Last night I was doing my usual run around the house to pick up as much laundry/garbage/dishes and wipe down as many surfaces as I can before bed and I found a suspiciously/partially hidden sippy cup. I asked Reese if that was hers. She took a drink, made a face, and said, "No, that's old." I took it to the kitchen and dumped out curdled milk. Oofta. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I guess. Just over here building up our gut health for the winter.

I play this game (or a version of it) often. This morning I found a deodorant cap lying on the dining room floor. So then it's a veritable mental guessing game (as I continue my household chores) of where and when will I find a mutilated tube of deodorant (14 hours later behind/under the recliner). I worry about myself a little bit that it's kind of become fun (because then sometimes I forget what I did with the cap and the game starts all over again).

We are cattle producers. The cattle in all their natural glory are literally 50 steps away from my backdoor (and I'm not talking 1 or 2 or even just dozens). So it's stinky. Some people like to tell me it's the smell of money, I would argue it's the smell of masochistic lunacy, but potato patatoh.

At any rate, there are a variety of smells that often infiltrate our home. Sometimes it's cattle and all their byproducts, sometimes it's a dead field mouse (my kids haven't mastered closing doors, we're moving it up in priority--it's also another less fun version of the mutilated deodorant game), sometimes it's a poopy diaper, sometimes it's old milk. If you catch us on the day that I've lit my fall candles, it might be apple cinnamon or fall harvest or pumpkin spice with underlying hints of one of those aforementioned things.

So really, you guys, who has time to worry about having it all together when you just clearly don't. Maybe you guys do (could you spare a few hours to come help me) but it just reached a point for me that I decided it was time to really not care (not just say "who cares" but really not care) and for my sanity, let the other stuff go.

Pick the people that also don't care and won't judge. Everyone else? Let 'em go.

Did your kid go two (or 4) days without showering? Relax, it's good for their skin.

Did you have a donut for breakfast? It releases endorphins. Mental health, people.

Did your kid have to ride the bus home from school? It builds character, saves the planet probably, and encourages socialization.

Did you forget to bring/send xyz? Oops. You aren't the first or last person.

I always say I feel like I'm juggling and I'm doing pretty good, but someone throws a new ball in and I'm like "ooooh, okay, okay I've got this" and pretty soon another one gets thrown in and it's getting a little bit dicey but still it's okay, but then another one gets thrown in and then I drop one, but I don't have time or the requisite focus to stop to see what it is so I hope it's not important and just keep going. And then pretty soon another one gets thrown in and another one and every so often another one drops and, again, I don't know what it is or if it's important but I'm just trying to keep the rhythm going for everything else.

Life and kids and people and things are always going to be throwing balls at you. Pick the balls you're going to drop, so the important ones don't. Focus on the ones that matter and dare I say it, enjoy those balls, even.

Happy juggling, friends.