Battle of the Surf and Turf

It's no joke.

My husband is not Catholic and nearly dies every Friday in Lent because I prepare or order fish, and horror of horrors, not beef. We're still married but it was touch and go in the early years. :P

During Lent, Catholics focus on the ritual of prayer, fasting(abstaining), and almsgiving.

Prayer

Seems pretty self-explanatory, but during Lent we more intentionally try to connect and deepen our relationship with God through a more thoughtful and purposeful prayer life.

That's the goal, always, right? But I'm embarrassed to admit that isn't always the way I pray. That type of prayer can be hard. It takes time and an intentional slowing down and pushing everything else aside. Jesus is happy to hear from us always, but he craves that deep connection with us, too, likely more deeply than we're even aware of that craving within ourselves.

So, when I have informal (not recitative or traditional prayers of the faith) prayer- just me reaching out with my heart and soul to God, I typically follow this format (which that word makes it sound formal but it's not):

ACTS

Adoration

Confession

Thanksgiving

Supplication

So, some adaptation of this:

"Hey God, You are almighty and all loving. We're not worthy of your gifts, but I'm so grateful for the graces and Greatest Sacrifice you've given us. I'm sorry and ask your forgiveness for A-Z, thank you for A-Z, and please bless these people, comfort, strengthen, and carry these people, help so and so with this and help me with this. Amen."

There's obviously more detail/length in there, depending on the time of day and the circumstances. I try to mix in prayers for the recently deceased and the souls in purgatory, I ask for Mary's intercession as a good and loving Mother herself, I'll say the Rosary or a novena for a specific cause, or I'll pray to specific saints for whatever challenges are present in our world and my life, but to give you the gist. This is how I typically pray. There's nothing wrong with this prayer. God hears it, He loves it, welcomes it, and receives it.

But during Lent, I feel a renewed call to slow down and search for God. To listen for his Voice and discern what He's asking of me. I'm not always good at it. Last night I sat in bed. I was tired and drained and honestly just cranky. Prayer felt like an obligation. I hate when I'm like that. But I know that the more I persist, the more I just let myself be whatever I am in that moment, He'll come to me and accept all of me. The tired, cranky with barely anything left to give parts of me, too.

So I sit. I don't say anything, in my head nor out loud. Thoughts will drift by or flutter in and out, but I just sit and welcome Him. Wait for His direction. Wait for Him to come. Wait for His presence. Wait to feel Him. And EVERY time, I end up in tears. Just overwhelmed with His glory, His goodness, His patience.

That's the stuff that will pull you in so deep you couldn't get out if you wanted to. And man, I don't want to. I want to drown in that feeling. And it's such a minute, grain of sand measurement of the full magnitude of what He's capable of.

I want this for me and I want this for you.

Fasting

If I had a nickel for every time I've received a comment about Catholics fasting or eating fish, I'd have a lot of nickels. Probably not rich, but enough to take a large jar to the bank. :P

There's a lot of confusion and misunderstanding surrounding this convention. "Why?" Is the biggest question I get and the next is "Why can you eat fish? It's meat."

I've encountered Catholics that eat fish during Lent with little thought as to why, they just do because the Church says to. I've also encountered non-Catholics who just don't understand the purpose, so I'll explain. To me, though, the long and short of it is, that some people are going to disagree with your choice no matter what logic you give. However, if you are Catholic, you should understand why you're fasting, why you're eating fish, what you are offering, and what are you hoping to gain (eternal salvation, I assume).

So, as I mentioned earlier, my husband has the biggest beef about my fish-eating habits during Lent.

"Every year, the cattle market tanks because you Catholics have to eat fish! Fish is meat! It makes no sense!"

I usually respond with some version of "it's about sacrifice". Giving up a "luxury" for something "common" or less "rich".

"Emily, we live in the midwest. (Good) Fish is a luxury, beef is common."

Tough to argue that on the surface, so what's the history here? What's the logic?

First, what are the rules?

According to Canonical Law, Catholics participate in Fasting and Abstinence during Lent.

On days of fasting, Catholics may eat one regular/larger meal and two smaller meals that together do not equal one meal. No snacking in between, although water, coffee, and tea are permitted. Ages required to abide are 18-59, with exceptions for those who are ill, pregnant, nursing, or have special dietary needs. Catholics fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.

Abstinence refers to the practice of refraining from eating meat as a form of penance and self-sacrifice. All Catholics age 14 and older must abstain from eating meat on Ash Wednesday, Good Friday, and all Fridays of Lent. Meat is defined as beef, poultry, pork, and any other warm-blooded animals. Fish, eggs, dairy, and plant-based foods are allowed. Fish is not considered to be "carnis" and is therefore acceptable.

The rules for Lent were developed centuries ago when and where fish was more commonplace and not considered a luxury or celebratory dish so accepting it as a dish on a day of penance made sense. However, today burgers and chicken are much more commonplace and seafood like lobster and certain fish can be a delicacy and the more expensive option, so it can be confusing.

However, while the rules may seem arbitrary, what's important is the intent and purpose behind it. The intent is a conscious, heartfelt sacrifice meant to unite the suffering of followers to that of Christ on the cross. A conscious dedicated choice and effort to fast and abstain deepens our hunger and longing for God, helps us detach from worldly pleasures, strengthens our willpower against sin and vice, and unites us with Christ's sacrifice.

Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me.

If you're abstaining and fasting without considering the motivation behind it, you're missing the greater part of the point.

If you don't fast or abstain, don't knock it until you've tried it. :P

Also, you don't have to be Catholic to participate in fasting or abstaining!

Almsgiving

Almsgiving is the significant expression of compassion and charity during Lent. By stepping outside of ourselves and offering a hand to those in need, we deepen our relationship with God by cultivating a spirit of generosity in every aspect of our lives. It serves as an invitation to transform our hearts and our actions.

I know that often I feel like I have so little left to give. I donate and volunteer when and how I can, but it always feels like it can be more and I'm already torn in many directions. Discerning where and how God is calling me to give and answering that call can be challenging, but any work to do God's will is not wasted.

The Corporal Works of Mercy are sometimes more obvious in discerning ways to be charitable, however if you feel limited, the Spiritual Works of Mercy can be just as powerful and healing, so don't discount those.

God knows your heart, He knows your obstacles, and He'll persist with you to every end. Don't underestimate yourself or our God.

Lent is a beautiful opportunity to grow your relationship with God. The depths of His love and mercy are infinite and he's waiting to welcome you deeper into His fold.